“What news tell me? All hairs dresser are newsmonger” – a phrase that you could use to insult a barber.
“It is a noise which to cleve the head” – useful if you have to complain against the orchestra.
“Let aim it! Let make fire him” – good for hunters.
These pearls are part of the phrase-book “English as she is spoke”, written in 1855 by two Portuguese authors, José da Fonseca and Pedro Carolino. They (obviously) didn’t know any English and used Portuguese-to-French and French-to-English dictionaries to build their book. The unintentional humor was praised by (sarcastic) American writer Mark Twain, that wrote in the introduction of the 1883 edition: “it is perfect, it must and will stand alone: its immortality is secure. This celebrated little phrase-book will never die while the English language lasts”.
See some of its pages here:
Check for some other pages here: The Accidental Comedy Masterpiece.